Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Home is Where Your Heart is....

Last week I got a call from one of my best friends who lives in the town I grew up in. She is going through a difficult time in her life and asked me to come visit for some girl time. My husband was in agreement and was happy to stay home with our daughter so I could make the three hour trip by myself. Since I was adopted and moved I hadn't been home by myself. I had made the trip with a few of my boyfriends and my brother but never alone. I was anxious to see how I held up emotionally. Surprisingly it wasn't as hard as I thought.

The town I grew up in hasn't changed much. It's still about the same size and the people all look the same. It was interesting to see all the places from my childhood and how they changed. The grocery store I used to shop at is still there and looks exactly like I remember it. I used to shop there because it was right down the street from my house. All the cashiers knew me and would double bag my groceries so I could carry them on the handlebars of my bike. I went everywhere on my bike. I even had a employee at a local take and bake pizza place clingwrap a pizza to my handlebars once. The pizza place is no longer there. Even the old pizza arcade is gone. I only went there a handful of times for birthday parties and the like. Never had the money to play the games.

I drove by my old house on my way out of town. It's still there and looks the same except for a new paint job. I hated that house. Mostly because of the life I had there. As I drove by I noticed toys in the yard. It got me wondering about the people who live there now. Are they happy? Do they take care of their children like my mother never did? That house holds so many secrets I can't help but be glad it can't talk. The neighborhood looks the same as well. Only one new house but they all look the same. None of the neighbors are the same but I already knew that. The field I used to ride my bike through now holds a doctor's office.

The only thing that hasn't changed at all is the beach. It is still as amazing and beautiful as it ever was. It still calms my nerves and makes me feel relaxed. I only got about an hour on the beach but I could have easily lost four or five just sitting watching the waves break on the sand. Or I could have spent my time agat hunting. My mother used to take my brother and I down to the beach to hunt agats. We loved it. My mother would draw giant circles for each of us so we would have our own areas to hunt agats. We would spend the whole day at the beach. Even my mother found peace on these day trips.

The whole drive "home" I was anxious and I really felt I was driving into the past. I didn't really want to see the place where I lived in hell for so long. After spending the night and coming to peace with the town I felt so much better. I needed this trip as much as my friend needed girl time. I realized that my home is where my family is and I couldn't wait to get back to them. I may never want to live there again but I will no longer dread visiting.

Taya

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